Like Kings
Years ago I promised Linda that, when she got pregnant, we would purchase a king sized bed. Well, Linda is pregnant and as of a week ago we were still struggling through the evening on our old Queen bed. There really was not much wrong with the ol' gal (the bed, not the Linda) but she had been around for a few years and was showing her lumps.
Part of this was, I realize, my doing. Apparently, sleeping with me is a bit like sleeping with a blender. A blender with an internal body temperature of 105 degrees. I like to think of it as my sleeping chi. Linda likes to think of it as... well.. actually Linda doesn't much like to think of it at all.
As sensitivity to her delicate conditioning, I swore I would relieve her of the need to fall asleep before me and, in general, to insulate her from my nocturnal breakdancing. Now, it just so happens that Linda and I share the same genetic mutation which makes us research things in odd ways. How did we go about building up our mattress knowledge?
Every time we went on vacation... cruises, Disneyworld, the beach, hotels, we would rate our nights sleep and, in doing so, make a note of the kind of mattress. That's right.. the first night out saw us taking up the fitted sheets and scouring the "do not remove" tag for identifying information. Did I say genetic mutation? I meant defect. Either way, it is one that we share.
Our decisive winner? Beautyrests. These things are popular and comfortable. As a man, I cannot formally recommend a firm executive mattress with a soft pillow top. It is simply not something men do. I will, however, say that when Linda undergoes her 20 minute "get comfortable" ritual I don't mind because I don't feel a thing. How this mattress isolates movement is beyond me. For activities other than sleeping (like, um, reading and sumo wrestling) the bed is quiet as a mouse, a far cry from the creaking carnival ride of our old Queen. Best of all, I sleep through the night without a stir.
And our old Queen, faithful guardian of all of our married sleeps before Saturday? We have stuffed her temporarily in a closet. Think of that for a moment... It's a cross between a murphy bed and a pair of pants that's too tight. But the situation is temporary -- by the summer we should have our space issues sorted out.
So, please pardon my jovial mood and self-indulgent post. It's rude, I know, but I'm trying to hurry up as, in two minutes, I will be resting blissfully thinking to myself "It's good to own a king."
_Ed
Part of this was, I realize, my doing. Apparently, sleeping with me is a bit like sleeping with a blender. A blender with an internal body temperature of 105 degrees. I like to think of it as my sleeping chi. Linda likes to think of it as... well.. actually Linda doesn't much like to think of it at all.
As sensitivity to her delicate conditioning, I swore I would relieve her of the need to fall asleep before me and, in general, to insulate her from my nocturnal breakdancing. Now, it just so happens that Linda and I share the same genetic mutation which makes us research things in odd ways. How did we go about building up our mattress knowledge?
Every time we went on vacation... cruises, Disneyworld, the beach, hotels, we would rate our nights sleep and, in doing so, make a note of the kind of mattress. That's right.. the first night out saw us taking up the fitted sheets and scouring the "do not remove" tag for identifying information. Did I say genetic mutation? I meant defect. Either way, it is one that we share.
Our decisive winner? Beautyrests. These things are popular and comfortable. As a man, I cannot formally recommend a firm executive mattress with a soft pillow top. It is simply not something men do. I will, however, say that when Linda undergoes her 20 minute "get comfortable" ritual I don't mind because I don't feel a thing. How this mattress isolates movement is beyond me. For activities other than sleeping (like, um, reading and sumo wrestling) the bed is quiet as a mouse, a far cry from the creaking carnival ride of our old Queen. Best of all, I sleep through the night without a stir.
And our old Queen, faithful guardian of all of our married sleeps before Saturday? We have stuffed her temporarily in a closet. Think of that for a moment... It's a cross between a murphy bed and a pair of pants that's too tight. But the situation is temporary -- by the summer we should have our space issues sorted out.
So, please pardon my jovial mood and self-indulgent post. It's rude, I know, but I'm trying to hurry up as, in two minutes, I will be resting blissfully thinking to myself "It's good to own a king."
_Ed
posted by Ed at 12:27 AM
3 Comments:
Actually, this post made me smile this morning, although not quite as much as the picture of you with your bling. Thanks!
What about those air inflated matresses which you can 'dial in' the number or such non-sense?
My sister had one of those. After about two years her first one leaked. After about one year, her second one developed a slow leak. She went to bed a 34 and woke up a 23! (or some such thing). Don't know if she had a name-brand or a knock-off, but there are several variable-firmness mattresses in the world.
I desire no such contraption. Nor do I find the "sink-into-a-body-depression" mattresses comfortable. The idea of waking up as if being shucked from a mold is not pleasing to me. Cruises tend to have the less expensive types of these mattresses in their suites, possibly to help dampen any vibration.
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