I Love You
If you are reading this blog entry, rest assured... I love you and want to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day.
Now, that, above, may need a little explanation, especially to my lovely bride....
The Greeks had approximately five words that mean love, encompassing almost every definition of affection***. With a little help from our friend, the wikipedia, we can learn a little bit about these definitions:
Agape (ἀγάπη agápē) means love in modern day Greek. In Ancient Greek it generally refers to a "pure", ideal type of love rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros.
Eros (ἔρως érōs) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Greek word erota means in love. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself.
Philia (φιλία philÃa), means friendship in modern Greek, a dispassionate virtuous love, was a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity.
Storge (στοργή storgē) means affection in modern Greek; it is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.
Xenia (ξενίαxenÃa), means hospitality in modern Greek and was an extremely important practice in ancient Greece. It was an almost ritualized friendship formed between a host and their guest, who could previously be strangers.
So to my family, I offer sincerest Agape.
To my wife, a little Eros.
To my friends, let me cop a Philia.
To my mom, a little Storge.
And to you that I don't know -- thanks for dropping in and partaking in a little Xenia.
Understanding that there are all kinds of affection helps us to not take any kind of relationship for granted. Maintaining friendships, especially of many different types, requires effort, and virtue, and interest. Indeed, maintaining them requires some love. The right kind of love. Please... no chocolates from my old college buddies.
Seriously, though, why the post about friendships and love and affection? It's part of an emotional decluttering. When you think of all relationships as a form of love you start thinking of relationships are the two-way street they are. It is very easy, in an "eros" sort of way, to recognize unrequited love, mismatched love, or just plain old pining-away. When you realize that love can encompass friendships, familyships, and even courtesy to a stranger you start to wonder how that love is returned.
In some friendships and familyships it is returned a great deal. In others, one finds they do a majority of the work. It makes for an interesting reflection and, more importantly, may become a better tool for me to better understand how to prioritize to whom I can give my time and my effort and my attention. It is decidedly unloving to rob attention away from someone who reciprocates to give it to someone who does not. So, just as some Xenia grows to Philia, so does some Philia fade to Xenia. I think that must be a fairly common cycle.
The trick, I imagine, is to remember that it is all a kind of love, and, thus, it is all good. So, Happy VD to all.
-Ed
***The Greeks had no word for the love of one far hotter than you who completely disregards you and makes your high school prom miserable. So, alas, I have no way of discussing love in high school. For everything else, though, I think they got it covered.
Now, that, above, may need a little explanation, especially to my lovely bride....
The Greeks had approximately five words that mean love, encompassing almost every definition of affection***. With a little help from our friend, the wikipedia, we can learn a little bit about these definitions:
Agape (ἀγάπη agápē) means love in modern day Greek. In Ancient Greek it generally refers to a "pure", ideal type of love rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros.
Eros (ἔρως érōs) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Greek word erota means in love. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself.
Philia (φιλία philÃa), means friendship in modern Greek, a dispassionate virtuous love, was a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity.
Storge (στοργή storgē) means affection in modern Greek; it is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.
Xenia (ξενίαxenÃa), means hospitality in modern Greek and was an extremely important practice in ancient Greece. It was an almost ritualized friendship formed between a host and their guest, who could previously be strangers.
So to my family, I offer sincerest Agape.
To my wife, a little Eros.
To my friends, let me cop a Philia.
To my mom, a little Storge.
And to you that I don't know -- thanks for dropping in and partaking in a little Xenia.
Understanding that there are all kinds of affection helps us to not take any kind of relationship for granted. Maintaining friendships, especially of many different types, requires effort, and virtue, and interest. Indeed, maintaining them requires some love. The right kind of love. Please... no chocolates from my old college buddies.
Seriously, though, why the post about friendships and love and affection? It's part of an emotional decluttering. When you think of all relationships as a form of love you start thinking of relationships are the two-way street they are. It is very easy, in an "eros" sort of way, to recognize unrequited love, mismatched love, or just plain old pining-away. When you realize that love can encompass friendships, familyships, and even courtesy to a stranger you start to wonder how that love is returned.
In some friendships and familyships it is returned a great deal. In others, one finds they do a majority of the work. It makes for an interesting reflection and, more importantly, may become a better tool for me to better understand how to prioritize to whom I can give my time and my effort and my attention. It is decidedly unloving to rob attention away from someone who reciprocates to give it to someone who does not. So, just as some Xenia grows to Philia, so does some Philia fade to Xenia. I think that must be a fairly common cycle.
The trick, I imagine, is to remember that it is all a kind of love, and, thus, it is all good. So, Happy VD to all.
-Ed
***The Greeks had no word for the love of one far hotter than you who completely disregards you and makes your high school prom miserable. So, alas, I have no way of discussing love in high school. For everything else, though, I think they got it covered.
posted by Ed at 12:57 PM
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