The limitations of maledom

There are certain combinations of activities that, consistently, befuddle the male brain. Are there really mutually exclusive concepts out there? Is the male of our species doomed to pick one over the other? Is there no middle ground?

Let me give you some examples and let you be the judge. DO you know of any men with a capacity to combine:

- Moderation and Technology
- Injury and Common Sense
- Game Playing and Internal Calm

The list, some might argue, is endless. I'd expand on any of these except the real expert on these limitations happens to be our wives and girlfriends, sisters and mothers, and our assortment of female friends.

However, recently, I was given a special insight into these limitations -- a rare glimpse given my male brain, and I can safely add another pradoxical pairing to the list:

- Doing Laundry and Wearing Dry-Clean Only Sweaters

Let me provide a terrific example...

Men, real men, do laundry in a particular way. Here is, pardon the pun, a laundry list of how men do laundry.

1. Grab a bunch of dirty laundry from upstairs. Use of a laundry basket is optional. The pile of dirty laundry should be at least 50% dirty laundry. Rarely is it 100% dirty laundry as we tend to pick up anything in the room we see.

2. Take the ball of laundry and put it into the washing machine. Turn the dials to cold/cold, the load setting to heavy, maximize the number of rinses, turn it on and go build something.

3. Come back, take everything out of the washing machine, put it in the dryer. Consider putting in a dryer sheet, but, upon sniffing it, decide otherwise. Set the dryer to the maximum heat setting and maximum time.

4. Inform wife it is time to fold the laundry.

5. Carry laundry back upstairs (laundry basket is optional). Resist the temptation to pick up old dirty laundry dropped from Step 1. This will be taken care of by wife or the cats.

6. Put laundry away.

This is how men do laundry. Anyone who says otherwise is lying to look good on the web. This is fundamentally incompatible with the wearing of dry-clean only clothes. As such wardrobe inventory involves the ridiculous step of sorting such items from the dirty laundry before washing. I know.. I know.. it's crazy.

What happens when these two things mix?


When men do laundry and wear dry-clean only clothes

Why are my arms sitting straight up like I was a puppet? Simple -- I could not put them down without threatening to rip the sweater open.

So, please, stop discriminating against our male limitations. If you buy us (men) dry-clean only clothes for Christmas, or our birthday, please... include a lifetime dry-cleaning service as part of that gift.