I Just Gained 80lbs

Last Friday I went out and gained 80 pounds and, worse, I paid for the privilege.

You might remember that Linda and I are constructing a small exercise room in our house and, you might remember, that (to date) it had been stocked with "used" exercise equipment donated from friends and family. Well, there was one thing we were missing and we didn't even know it: a punching bag.

How did I know I was missing a punching bag? After trying (and failing) for the umpteenth time to finish some stupid playstation game that the obsessive compulsive in me wants to finish I was overcome with the urge to just hit something. (And no, this is not indicative of a new violence streak in me -- we've all hit a pillow at some point in our lives).

The only problem? I had no pillow to pummel. So Linda and I drove to the local Dicks Sporting Goods Store where we learned two things:

1) Our neighbor brings his children there to play on the exercise equipment.
2) Hitting heavy bags is really really fun.

So, 80lb heavy bag and gloves in tow, we get into the checkout line. It's 5 minutes after closing time so everyone is in the same line, including the guy behind me (with his 2 children). Since the line is a little long, he strikes up a conversation with me.

Nosey Guy With Kids: Hey, is that a heavy bag?
Me: Sure is!
Nosey Guy With Kids: What are you going to use it for?
Me: I had a stressful day and wanted to his something, and this turned out to be really fun to hit.
Nosey Guy With Kids: -- dum-struck stare -- Why would you buy that bag?
Me: Well, the 40lb bags swung too much when we were test-hitting them before. So I figured an 80lb bag would swing less.
Nosey Guy With Kids: An 80lb bag is a heavy bag. You shouldn't buy that bag.
Me: Huh?
Nosey Guy With Kids: Why do you want a bag anyway?
Me: Huh?
Nosey Guy With Kids: You are going to break your wrist. Do you have wraps at home? Do you know how to wrap your wrist?
Me: These gloves that we bought have wrap-around wrist supports, thank you for your concern, we will look up safety precautions. -- showing him my pair of gloves and Linda's pair of gloves
Nosey Guy With Kids: -- Same dum-struck look at the thought Linda would use the bag too -- I mean, it's just me, but, I used to box and kickbox and you really shouldn't use that bag. Why are you buying this again? Why do you want to just hit something? Are you training for something?
Me: Well, I take JuJitsu -- thinking, just tell him something to get him to shut up
Nosey Guy With Kids: I took 6 years of JuJitsu. You don't punch much in JuJitsu. Why would you need a bag for that workout.
Me: -- sooo done with this guy -- Thanks for all your help. -- turn around and start paying for the bag

***pause***

Nosey Guy With Kids: Where do you take JuJitsu?
--I tell him where I take JuJitsu--
Nosey Guy With Kids: Who teaches you?
--I tell him who teaches me--
Nosey Guy With Kids: She used to teach me XX years ago!
Me: Great! What is your name, I'll tell her your said hi.

Suddenly when *he* had to answer a question, he gets all nervous. He shuffles around a bit, looks up and says:

Nosey Guy With Kids: Dan.

Dan. Hey, sensei, Dan from 20 years ago said hi. Nice. Here's what I said:

Me: Great. Have a nice life!

Here is what I wanted to say:

Me: You can't just give a first name, it's too general. Why would you give a first name? Were you close to her when you trained? Have you changed your last name? I would give your last name. Are you trying to hide your identity? I've been talking to people for 30 years, and you really should give people your last name, too. Why don't you give your last name, again?

What a nosey, annoying, space-invading weird kinda guy!

_Ed

As epilogue, we've hung the bag, used it quite a bit already, love it, and our wrists are just fine.