On Exercise
I would like to show you the most incredible exercise machine ever invented. This device does more for your health than any other exercise device in your home. It will burn more calories than items costing thousands of dollars and purchased at any major fitness store.
What is this miracle device? Let me show you...
How can this be? How can a chair give you more of a workout than that $800 elliptical machine in your basement? Let's perform an experiment:
1. Grab a piece of paper.
2. Grab a pencil.
3. Write down the number of times you touch a chair in your house.
4. Write down the number of times you even thought of maybe getting close enough to possibly graze the elliptical machine if you were to accidentally fall down.
This has led me to a universal truth: exercise machines are scultures. They represent our fixation on image. The dust on them represents our inability to prioritize them. But, who prioritizes art anyway? Who says "Sorry, I can't eat that hamburger, I need to go spend time with my Van Gogh?"
A little while ago, Linda and I decided to start our own exercise art collection. We would need a treadmill, some free weights, an exercise machine and, maybe, an elliptical machine if we had room for it. Maybe, also a rowing machine. But, this would cost thousands!
Why not go to a gym? I'll tell you why. If you walk into a gym you have to do something. If you walk into the exercise room you can turn around, walk upstairs, and drink a Coke and call some family member for 45 minutes. Nope. Can't do that in a gym. So, to hell with gyms. What do they know about high art anyway?
No, we need a home gym. We need an art collection. But, this turned out to be easier than we planned. As, in this medium there are many patrons.
One family member readily offered his exercise bike. He hadn't used it in a while. Another family member offered up her treadmill which had not been used in a year or two. Still, a third friend has been more than happy to get rid of that weight bench and weights as he makes room in his house for other things.
By the end of the week we will have our own gallery of sculpture, the "Ed and Linda Collection", a dedication to a movement we like to call "post-optimism".
What is this miracle device? Let me show you...
How can this be? How can a chair give you more of a workout than that $800 elliptical machine in your basement? Let's perform an experiment:
1. Grab a piece of paper.
2. Grab a pencil.
3. Write down the number of times you touch a chair in your house.
4. Write down the number of times you even thought of maybe getting close enough to possibly graze the elliptical machine if you were to accidentally fall down.
This has led me to a universal truth: exercise machines are scultures. They represent our fixation on image. The dust on them represents our inability to prioritize them. But, who prioritizes art anyway? Who says "Sorry, I can't eat that hamburger, I need to go spend time with my Van Gogh?"
A little while ago, Linda and I decided to start our own exercise art collection. We would need a treadmill, some free weights, an exercise machine and, maybe, an elliptical machine if we had room for it. Maybe, also a rowing machine. But, this would cost thousands!
Why not go to a gym? I'll tell you why. If you walk into a gym you have to do something. If you walk into the exercise room you can turn around, walk upstairs, and drink a Coke and call some family member for 45 minutes. Nope. Can't do that in a gym. So, to hell with gyms. What do they know about high art anyway?
No, we need a home gym. We need an art collection. But, this turned out to be easier than we planned. As, in this medium there are many patrons.
One family member readily offered his exercise bike. He hadn't used it in a while. Another family member offered up her treadmill which had not been used in a year or two. Still, a third friend has been more than happy to get rid of that weight bench and weights as he makes room in his house for other things.
By the end of the week we will have our own gallery of sculpture, the "Ed and Linda Collection", a dedication to a movement we like to call "post-optimism".
posted by Ed at 1:36 PM
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