Nice Guys Finish Last
Why? Because they have people clinging to them. Have you ever tried to finish a race with people clinging to you?
I belong to a very small, selective club. What club? The club of men who have had more fiances than wives. That's right: 1 wife. 2 fiances.
Well, fiance number 1 is back, and I'm going to write a blog entry about it. Why? Perhaps the melodrama will help readership. More probably, I want to remember these feelings when future-Ed goes back over these blogs when he's 40. But, by all means, join me for some drama...
I dated a girl for 6 years. To preserve her identity, and for the remainder of this post, I will simply refer to her as duh. Duh and I did not have a happy breakup, and it capped an unhappy year. I learned many things those several years ago, the least of which being that trying to plan a wedding with someone who is having an affair is, at best, difficult.
So we broke up about 7 years ago. I tried to take the high road... I probably failed. I stayed her RCIA sponsor for a while. I let her continue to live at my sister's house (with help from my sister) so she wouldn't be out in the street. I took her to the mall when she threw a college graduation party and no-one came. I asked my friends to be nice to her -- most of then refused.
I paid my dues. My life moved on.
About a year ago, I got an e-mail out of the blue from duh, who apparently wanted to reconnect. My reply was not pleasant. Her reply was worse. I restrained myself, and e-mailed no more -- end of story....take one for the team...or so I thought.
Today, I get another e-mail from duh wanting to know if I was "still afraid to e-mail her". I responded truthfully with the single word: terrified. That was followed in quick succession by two very nasty e-mails.
So, I wrote an electronic good-bye to this person:
------------------------------------------------
Duh, the subtle humor of my reply referred to the fear that I have failed, apparently, to communicate to you that I have no desire to have anything to do with you. Well, that and the fear that your continual pestering of me might mean that you are actually insane.
When I said "thank you for leaving my life" I did not mean "e-mail me again in a few months". I'm not sure how my message got garbled, but it must have, because here you are. Let me try this again:
I'm not *afraid* of you, I just dont like you anymore. I'm sure you have many people who *do* like you, and you should spend your time with *them*. Live a happy and productive life -- I am. Get married. Have some kids. Travel the world. Hate your parents. Lash out at whoever disagrees with you. Do whatever it is that gives you happiness.
Do it all without feeling the need to contact me. You don't need me in your life to be happy, so stop pursuing me.
If I have set up my Microsoft Outlook rules correctly, e-mails from your address should be auto-deleted. This childishness doesn't belong at my work. If you have some pressing need for something and can be an adult about it, feel free to route yourself through your parents.
-Ed, the "terrified".
------------------------------------------------
I find it hard to be overly rude to a person, but, believe me, I paid my dues. My karma should be well scrubbed as far as duh is concerned.
So, we'll see if my outlook rule holds up, and I'll keep y'all posted on the status of my crazy stalker who likes to send me hatemail every year.
-Ed
ps. Yes, this is a self-serving and just a little bit mean post. But I've retained all anonymity except my own, and I appreciate the ability to blow off a little steam. Thanks for bearing with me on this one.
I belong to a very small, selective club. What club? The club of men who have had more fiances than wives. That's right: 1 wife. 2 fiances.
Well, fiance number 1 is back, and I'm going to write a blog entry about it. Why? Perhaps the melodrama will help readership. More probably, I want to remember these feelings when future-Ed goes back over these blogs when he's 40. But, by all means, join me for some drama...
I dated a girl for 6 years. To preserve her identity, and for the remainder of this post, I will simply refer to her as duh. Duh and I did not have a happy breakup, and it capped an unhappy year. I learned many things those several years ago, the least of which being that trying to plan a wedding with someone who is having an affair is, at best, difficult.
So we broke up about 7 years ago. I tried to take the high road... I probably failed. I stayed her RCIA sponsor for a while. I let her continue to live at my sister's house (with help from my sister) so she wouldn't be out in the street. I took her to the mall when she threw a college graduation party and no-one came. I asked my friends to be nice to her -- most of then refused.
I paid my dues. My life moved on.
About a year ago, I got an e-mail out of the blue from duh, who apparently wanted to reconnect. My reply was not pleasant. Her reply was worse. I restrained myself, and e-mailed no more -- end of story....take one for the team...or so I thought.
Today, I get another e-mail from duh wanting to know if I was "still afraid to e-mail her". I responded truthfully with the single word: terrified. That was followed in quick succession by two very nasty e-mails.
So, I wrote an electronic good-bye to this person:
------------------------------------------------
Duh, the subtle humor of my reply referred to the fear that I have failed, apparently, to communicate to you that I have no desire to have anything to do with you. Well, that and the fear that your continual pestering of me might mean that you are actually insane.
When I said "thank you for leaving my life" I did not mean "e-mail me again in a few months". I'm not sure how my message got garbled, but it must have, because here you are. Let me try this again:
I'm not *afraid* of you, I just dont like you anymore. I'm sure you have many people who *do* like you, and you should spend your time with *them*. Live a happy and productive life -- I am. Get married. Have some kids. Travel the world. Hate your parents. Lash out at whoever disagrees with you. Do whatever it is that gives you happiness.
Do it all without feeling the need to contact me. You don't need me in your life to be happy, so stop pursuing me.
If I have set up my Microsoft Outlook rules correctly, e-mails from your address should be auto-deleted. This childishness doesn't belong at my work. If you have some pressing need for something and can be an adult about it, feel free to route yourself through your parents.
-Ed, the "terrified".
------------------------------------------------
I find it hard to be overly rude to a person, but, believe me, I paid my dues. My karma should be well scrubbed as far as duh is concerned.
So, we'll see if my outlook rule holds up, and I'll keep y'all posted on the status of my crazy stalker who likes to send me hatemail every year.
-Ed
ps. Yes, this is a self-serving and just a little bit mean post. But I've retained all anonymity except my own, and I appreciate the ability to blow off a little steam. Thanks for bearing with me on this one.
posted by Ed at 12:52 AM
4 Comments:
Thanks for sharing and venting. I must say, that you handled this situation with more class and kindness than most. It really says a lot about who you are as a person.
Sometimes, you've just got to be the one to cut that cord. And many times, the person on the other end of that cord has issues letting go, so it's best to make a clean cut, as oppose to making gentle "snips".
People are in our lives to help us grow in some way, but we don't always have to keep them in our lives, nor do they always stay in our lives.
Sending you virtual hugs for having to deal with this. And, if the outlook thing doesn't work, you can always delete with a click or push of a button.
Good luck and best wishes!
Ya know Ed, I didn't know you that well during the Duh years... and quite frankly from the sounds of things and what I have heard... you have done MORE than you should have. God bless you for all of that.
I can certaintly emphasis with those issues... I completely fell apart when a certain ex of mine was even threatened to re-enter my circle of friends. (she still sends christmas cards to the friends I introduced her to... GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!)
It is unbelieveable how people can do this...
Thanks for being a big boy about it!
Thank you all for the support. Duh generally did well by me, but we all know I was never a saint. But I have completely let this person go and that is a rare thing for an emotional packrat like me.
To get hatemail once a year from this person when I don't recognize how wonderful her life is... is... beyond comprehension.
I *should* feel flattered that I am seen as a welcoming person. But there are some sick people out there, and I am increasingly concerned that she is becoming one of them.
Let's hope time will prove me wrong. Let's hope memories of me just bring out the raging worst in her. 8)
-Ed
Stacie,
The wife would be happy if a large meteor hit Arizona. Thanks for asking. 8)
-Ed
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