Jurassic Park
Over the course of the past decade I have watched the movie Jurassic Park approximately 300 times. Let that sink in a moment... I have watched the movie Jurassic Park 300 times. Well...give or take a few.... That's alot of times to watch a movie. And... the real kicker? I have not done so willingly.
Confused? Me too..... but bear this one out.
What was it that made Jurassic Park... well... Jurassic Park? Laura Durn? Sam Neal? No. The gripping storyline? No. The Oscar-winning performances? No. The philosophical and ethical connundrums? No. So what was so durn special about this movie?
It's about the dinosaurs, stupid!
We wanted to see dinosaurs walk on modern earth... To see muscles rippling under lizard skin and teeth nashing, and chests going up and down with each dino breath. We came to see Raptors hop around and big T-Rexes galump after jeeps. Half-way through the movie those terrible lizards could have stopped, set up a table, and played Texas Hold-Em for the rest of the show and the box office would probably have seen no financial affect.
The Jurassic Park story was a means to an end. End? What end? This end: Get me dinosaurs on the screen.
Remember the hype when Jurassic Park came out? (if you are too young to remember the hype when Jurassic Park came out please do not tell me. I'm depressed enough about my age). It was a new era of filmography. This was a cinematic first! A new tool had been added to the story-telling arsenal! Jurassic Park wasn't a movie, it was a beta-test of a new technology.
And there is nothing wrong with that. But, the test is over. It passed with flying colors. I don't want to see this movie anymore. I've seen special effects. Very little wows me now because I, like most, believe that with a Hollywood budget you can make anything happen on screen.
So... why on earth have I seen this movie so many times? I keep getting duped into seeing it. How am I duped? They keep changing the name of the movie.
For example, on Friday I saw Jurassic Park twice in a single night. The first time, it was called "Superman". The second time it was called "Poseidon".
Warnings to you all, thar be spoilers below. But funny, rant-like spoilers.
This movie-as-technology-test has flattened the story arc. We don't want to know why anymore. We don't care. How did Lex get out of jail? Who was his benefactor and how did he befriend her? How did he gain his knowledge? What was the basement setup all about? How did superman explain his 5 year absence? How did Clark get his job back after five years? These trivial things waste precious minutes on the silver screen. Minutes that are far better spent showing giant spikes thrusting out of the ocean and bullets bouncing off eyeballs.
We've taken that stereotypical actor questioning "what is my motiviation" and tossed him off the set. We don't care what your motivation is! Why did you try to take over the world? um... You... uh... got a bad thigh from KFC.. it put your whole day in the toilet.. whatever, can we please get back to the explosions?
If the special effects are good enough then the audience will make their own backstories and remember everything, even the main plot, is now just a backstory.
What? We've wasted five minutes talking about people in a cruise ship? Ridiculous. Cue giant wave please... that was the real problem with the original, classic poseidon adventure: they spent a whole half hour making you care about characters. Audiences today are way too savvy now. We know who to care about, we don't need to know why! Put the white cowboy hat on the good guy and the black cowboy hat on the bad guy and get the hell out of the way of the special effects. Every 5 minutes kill off the local "red shirt" to let the audience know you mean business.
Dialog? That wastes the shooting schedule. Grunt alot. Scream at everything. Do all of this wearing as little as possible, and get the hell out of the way of the special effects.
Kurt Russell, left, Josh Lucas, right try to pull Richard Dreyfuss out of the way of a special effect
When you watch three movies and the one with the most promising dialog and soul-searching moral is Nacho Libre then you know you've just been duped into seeing Jurassic Park twice.
Bastion of Backstory?
And why do we keep on paying to see this movie over and over again?
It's about the dinosaurs, stupid!
-Ed
Confused? Me too..... but bear this one out.
What was it that made Jurassic Park... well... Jurassic Park? Laura Durn? Sam Neal? No. The gripping storyline? No. The Oscar-winning performances? No. The philosophical and ethical connundrums? No. So what was so durn special about this movie?
It's about the dinosaurs, stupid!
We wanted to see dinosaurs walk on modern earth... To see muscles rippling under lizard skin and teeth nashing, and chests going up and down with each dino breath. We came to see Raptors hop around and big T-Rexes galump after jeeps. Half-way through the movie those terrible lizards could have stopped, set up a table, and played Texas Hold-Em for the rest of the show and the box office would probably have seen no financial affect.
The Jurassic Park story was a means to an end. End? What end? This end: Get me dinosaurs on the screen.
Remember the hype when Jurassic Park came out? (if you are too young to remember the hype when Jurassic Park came out please do not tell me. I'm depressed enough about my age). It was a new era of filmography. This was a cinematic first! A new tool had been added to the story-telling arsenal! Jurassic Park wasn't a movie, it was a beta-test of a new technology.
And there is nothing wrong with that. But, the test is over. It passed with flying colors. I don't want to see this movie anymore. I've seen special effects. Very little wows me now because I, like most, believe that with a Hollywood budget you can make anything happen on screen.
So... why on earth have I seen this movie so many times? I keep getting duped into seeing it. How am I duped? They keep changing the name of the movie.
For example, on Friday I saw Jurassic Park twice in a single night. The first time, it was called "Superman". The second time it was called "Poseidon".
Warnings to you all, thar be spoilers below. But funny, rant-like spoilers.
This movie-as-technology-test has flattened the story arc. We don't want to know why anymore. We don't care. How did Lex get out of jail? Who was his benefactor and how did he befriend her? How did he gain his knowledge? What was the basement setup all about? How did superman explain his 5 year absence? How did Clark get his job back after five years? These trivial things waste precious minutes on the silver screen. Minutes that are far better spent showing giant spikes thrusting out of the ocean and bullets bouncing off eyeballs.
We've taken that stereotypical actor questioning "what is my motiviation" and tossed him off the set. We don't care what your motivation is! Why did you try to take over the world? um... You... uh... got a bad thigh from KFC.. it put your whole day in the toilet.. whatever, can we please get back to the explosions?
If the special effects are good enough then the audience will make their own backstories and remember everything, even the main plot, is now just a backstory.
What? We've wasted five minutes talking about people in a cruise ship? Ridiculous. Cue giant wave please... that was the real problem with the original, classic poseidon adventure: they spent a whole half hour making you care about characters. Audiences today are way too savvy now. We know who to care about, we don't need to know why! Put the white cowboy hat on the good guy and the black cowboy hat on the bad guy and get the hell out of the way of the special effects. Every 5 minutes kill off the local "red shirt" to let the audience know you mean business.
Dialog? That wastes the shooting schedule. Grunt alot. Scream at everything. Do all of this wearing as little as possible, and get the hell out of the way of the special effects.
Kurt Russell, left, Josh Lucas, right try to pull Richard Dreyfuss out of the way of a special effect
When you watch three movies and the one with the most promising dialog and soul-searching moral is Nacho Libre then you know you've just been duped into seeing Jurassic Park twice.
And why do we keep on paying to see this movie over and over again?
It's about the dinosaurs, stupid!
-Ed
posted by Ed at 1:01 AM
3 Comments:
And this is one of the many reasons I no longer enjoy going to the movies...
Thankfully, there's things like Netflix. Less money, good seating, and a fast forward and pause button. :)
Don't worry, Ed - there still are good movies with plot and character development being made in the world. You may have to drive all the way to The Charles downtown to see them. However, I must admit that I do like a mindless explosion movie every so often. :)
Dre,
I'll need to take you up on a Charles offer one of these days. They played the "real" Poseidon on television on Sunday and I was caught up in it. Today, just reading through my blog-rant I am remembering some of the characters from the "old" movie.
I can't even remember the *names* of the characters from the new version of the movie.
Thank goodness that I only paid $8 for all three movies! God Bless Bengies.
Post a Comment
<< Home