The Glass Ceiling
one of my favorite birthday cards, gifted to me when I turned 16, depicted a cartoon spaceship, with a cartoon astronaut inside, pushing into, and being limited by, a bluish fabric rendition of "the sky". Across the top of the card was written "The Sky's The Limit". A though bubble from the astronaut read, simply, "Drat".
What I loved so much about that card was how it embodied my approach to life -- yes, even at 16. What such approach? Do the best that you can -- aim for perfect and be happy with what you achieve. That gets called pride alot, but it isn't. I push myself hard but most of the time it's because I've always felt the need to "catch up". When someone does something not as good as I do, I don't think "ha! I do this better", I think "wow, if I can do this then anybody can do this.".
I've been accused over the years of being preachy, of being elitist, of being proud, judgmental, phony. You name it and some cretin somewhere has thought it. What they don't get, in their own judgments of me, is that my actions aren't about them. The long e-mails, the sometimes unsolicited offers of advise.... Why? To what end and for what point? Quite simple, really: to have done less meant to have given up on something, or to have let something go unsaid which might have been interesting or helpful. To have done less is, to me, to have committed the sin of omission.
I refuse to believe that refusing to submit to the bystander effect is synonymous with arrogance.
I'm beginning to wonder if committing the sin of omission is worth it just to avoid backlashes. Case in point, most recently I tried to do what I thought was a good deed. To properly sanitize the story, the offer was first politely and then very impolitely refused. Why? I cannot fathom. Were the situations reversed, I'd accept such a thing in an instant.
But, too often people don't make decisions based on practicality, they make decisions based on what makes them feel important. People have their glass ceilings -- those limits you can't see until you've bumped up against them. I'm sure I have mine, but this is at least the third time in a month that I've bumped up against someone else's.
And, I suppose, in part there is a fear -- my own glass ceiling -- that while I really do try and bend over backwards for others I see these moments as an omen that others just won't bend over backwards for me. You see, the biggest way that Karma can be a bitch is if it doesn't exist at all...
So, face pressed firmly up against a few glass ceilings, what on earth is one to do? Treat life as a zero-sum game? Take my marbles and go play somewhere else? Walk away from that particular train wreck? Go banging on the glass?
For now, I suppose a rambling blog entry will just have to suffice, followed by some reflection on just where my place is in some other people's worlds. If I'm to be taught that no good deed goes unpunished then I imagine I'll have a sharp learning curve ahead.
What I loved so much about that card was how it embodied my approach to life -- yes, even at 16. What such approach? Do the best that you can -- aim for perfect and be happy with what you achieve. That gets called pride alot, but it isn't. I push myself hard but most of the time it's because I've always felt the need to "catch up". When someone does something not as good as I do, I don't think "ha! I do this better", I think "wow, if I can do this then anybody can do this.".
I've been accused over the years of being preachy, of being elitist, of being proud, judgmental, phony. You name it and some cretin somewhere has thought it. What they don't get, in their own judgments of me, is that my actions aren't about them. The long e-mails, the sometimes unsolicited offers of advise.... Why? To what end and for what point? Quite simple, really: to have done less meant to have given up on something, or to have let something go unsaid which might have been interesting or helpful. To have done less is, to me, to have committed the sin of omission.
I refuse to believe that refusing to submit to the bystander effect is synonymous with arrogance.
I'm beginning to wonder if committing the sin of omission is worth it just to avoid backlashes. Case in point, most recently I tried to do what I thought was a good deed. To properly sanitize the story, the offer was first politely and then very impolitely refused. Why? I cannot fathom. Were the situations reversed, I'd accept such a thing in an instant.
But, too often people don't make decisions based on practicality, they make decisions based on what makes them feel important. People have their glass ceilings -- those limits you can't see until you've bumped up against them. I'm sure I have mine, but this is at least the third time in a month that I've bumped up against someone else's.
And, I suppose, in part there is a fear -- my own glass ceiling -- that while I really do try and bend over backwards for others I see these moments as an omen that others just won't bend over backwards for me. You see, the biggest way that Karma can be a bitch is if it doesn't exist at all...
So, face pressed firmly up against a few glass ceilings, what on earth is one to do? Treat life as a zero-sum game? Take my marbles and go play somewhere else? Walk away from that particular train wreck? Go banging on the glass?
For now, I suppose a rambling blog entry will just have to suffice, followed by some reflection on just where my place is in some other people's worlds. If I'm to be taught that no good deed goes unpunished then I imagine I'll have a sharp learning curve ahead.
posted by Ed at 2:14 AM
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