Not Much
My last entry, a shaming month ago, talked of the difficulty in finding entries worth blogging about. There was simply "not much" going on in my life. Even one month the wiser I can see the transparency of that excuse. It has been some time, and the water is cold, so let me start with dipping in a toe.
My mother has enrolled in home hospice care after a 2.5 year valient struggle with cancer. Hearing this news and passing through this time has been beyond comprehension for me and, certainly, beyond my ability to translate and relate. My siblings and I have been keeping round-the-clock company and spending our time in loving care and focus on a life well lived. We keep ourselves busy juggling medications, calls from friends, visitors, nursing care, and all of the normal logistics that one must do when one is caring for someone in hospice. To do otherwise, at this time, would invite madness.
My mother is a writer, and a poet. Whatever talent I have in her direction is simply genetic shadow. As we chatted on the sofa yesterday she reminded me, talents notwithstanding, of the responsibility of prose. She reminded me of the responsibility of carrying on the familial lore. "Our lives", she said, "are comprised of stories" and, I imagine, it is in their generation and regeneration that we find ourselves alive.
Our daily interactions are steeped with meaning and communicatable emotion. Those sensitive enough to notice this never lack material or inspiration. Some of our greatest writers, and greatest poets, have encountered their greatest inspirations in situations or scenarios thought by most to be suffocatingly void of interest. It takes great spirit to transcend face value. My mother is that spirit perfected.
So we had a smile over those who answer the question "anything interesting happen to you today" with a shrug and a "not much". We smiled because it is an absurd answer. We smiled because we have answered that answer, and we have had times when we could only stumbled through life. Focused only on the path at our feet with senses idled until we reached our destinations.
And so through such a process I find myself stumbling a bit, as I am sure she finds herself stumbling just a bit. And when someone at worked asked me what happened over the weekend I, again, replied "not much", and this person had no idea how deeply I would have desired that to have been the case.
So, for now, please excuse my lack of blogging this past month for, you see, nothing much has been happening around here. I am sure that I will come posting back when something more interesting comes my way.
-Ed
My mother has enrolled in home hospice care after a 2.5 year valient struggle with cancer. Hearing this news and passing through this time has been beyond comprehension for me and, certainly, beyond my ability to translate and relate. My siblings and I have been keeping round-the-clock company and spending our time in loving care and focus on a life well lived. We keep ourselves busy juggling medications, calls from friends, visitors, nursing care, and all of the normal logistics that one must do when one is caring for someone in hospice. To do otherwise, at this time, would invite madness.
My mother is a writer, and a poet. Whatever talent I have in her direction is simply genetic shadow. As we chatted on the sofa yesterday she reminded me, talents notwithstanding, of the responsibility of prose. She reminded me of the responsibility of carrying on the familial lore. "Our lives", she said, "are comprised of stories" and, I imagine, it is in their generation and regeneration that we find ourselves alive.
Our daily interactions are steeped with meaning and communicatable emotion. Those sensitive enough to notice this never lack material or inspiration. Some of our greatest writers, and greatest poets, have encountered their greatest inspirations in situations or scenarios thought by most to be suffocatingly void of interest. It takes great spirit to transcend face value. My mother is that spirit perfected.
So we had a smile over those who answer the question "anything interesting happen to you today" with a shrug and a "not much". We smiled because it is an absurd answer. We smiled because we have answered that answer, and we have had times when we could only stumbled through life. Focused only on the path at our feet with senses idled until we reached our destinations.
And so through such a process I find myself stumbling a bit, as I am sure she finds herself stumbling just a bit. And when someone at worked asked me what happened over the weekend I, again, replied "not much", and this person had no idea how deeply I would have desired that to have been the case.
So, for now, please excuse my lack of blogging this past month for, you see, nothing much has been happening around here. I am sure that I will come posting back when something more interesting comes my way.
-Ed
Labels: Mom
posted by Ed at 1:19 AM
3 Comments:
No excuses needed. There are those of us who'll still be around, whether you post months apart, days, or moments.
My thoughts and heart are with you and your family as you all go through this.
I wish I had something profound and comforting to offer via words, yet all I can write, is that I'm thinking about you and yours, wishing that I could wrap y'all up in a warm hug, and make everything better.
Know that out here in the blogsphere, you are being thought about. I'm here, whether it be to listen, offer support, or a virtual hug.
My heart goes out to you...
PG,
Thank you very much. This has been a pretty difficult time and blogging is worse because this miniscule amount of writing was a bond with my mother who wrote more prolifically and would always e-mail me about my blog entries.
There is certainly a part of me that wants to call this blog a good run and move on. Sometimes I wonder whether my entries were more for me or for her.
We will certainly have to see how that works out. I'm sure a little time will give better perspective.
-Ed
You need to do what's best for you in the long run. If it means letting this blog go, so be it.
Right now, you're dealing with a lot, and sensitive to a lot, which I'm sure you are aware of. You need to take care of you - a cliche' but true phrase. There's nothing that says you can't take a hiatus until you sort things out.
IMHO - I think you'll find that your blog might have been for both of you.
In the meantime, take care, and keep making the most of the moments you're blessed with.
Sending you virtual hugs and support.
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