Where My Silver Lining At?
< Sorry, this was the second half of the last post, which I separated out because I think it is more digestable as a stand-alone blog entry >
I started thinking to myself yesterday... why was the day so successful? We had very few temper tantrums. We didn't go nuts on games or in shops. We hit almost every ride. We stayed fed and hydrated. Everyone had fun and got to do everything they wanted. We had no arguments. No side-bars. The longest we stopped was to eat lunch or dinner. It was a perfect day.
In short, I was trying to figure out how on earth that happened! Why? Because I over-analyze. It's what I do.
Clearly, it is pretty easy to show kids a good time at an amusement park. But it isn't the amusement park that provides the fun. Trust me. We saw several miserable families that day at King's Dominion. Walking into an amusement park is no guarantee of a fun day. Amusement parks provide a distraction from the daily "grind" which allows people to stop being the obstacles to their own enjoyment. You don't need Kings Dominion to get out of your own way, and if you are too stubborn, King's Dominion ain't gonna help ya. I grew up with some stubborn people, trust me on this one.
Too many times we rely on context to dictate how we feel about something. When you spend the money to go to a place, any place, that advertises family fun, you are paying for someone to construct, for you, a context. Specifically a context in which you feel allowed (if not obligated) to re-align yourself to be considerate for your kids, your spouse, your family, your friends.
But make no mistake, it is that re-alignment that makes things fun. Not the park itself. And anything that inspires you to re-align yourself will give you those joys. And if you are one of those selfish people who just refuses to re-align yourself, you'll be wandering around wondering what you are missing.
That's what this weekend taught me. That's why I want to blog about it. It wasn't just a fun weekend. There was an experience behind the experience...
We were immersed in physical activity... blinking lights, lots of sounds, gravity-assisted machinery, food, games, sun, water... it's all good. But, beyond that there is a whole different emotional plane of existence: kids trying to spend more time with their parents; learning surprises can be good things; struggling with being too cool for activities they still really want to do; conquering fears of the dark, of gravity, of water slides.
Looking at things in that slightly different light, the otherwise completely random behavior of many kids suddenly made quite a bit of sense (including the kids we were with). Once I stopped trying to read the map and started trying to read the kids then plotting a course throughout the day to make sure we all had fun became easy.
Let me give an example with a dad and his daughter that I saw when we were first in the park. Some little girl was tugging on her dad's shorts to show him some cartoon character painted on the ground. The dad was trying to get her to look at the scooby-doo-character taking pictures with people. The "tug-of-war" that ensued had nothing to do with either scooby-doo or floor paintings. The adult couldn't comprehend how a character painted on the asphalt was as interesting as a real-life scooby-doo. The daughter just wanted her dad to pay attention to her and share her little moment of wonder. After about 20 seconds of being on a different "wavelength"... Bam! Crying daughter. Confused father.
There were hundreds of examples that day. Whenever I decided to take a look around you were hit over the head with just how ignored some of these kids were during "their day" at the amusement parks. It kind of makes you wonder how many times that exact same pattern plays out through everyday life.
Parents often say that kids grow up when you aren't looking. I'm not a parent, and I'm sure that is true. But I think it is true because truly, truly looking takes alot of effort and creativity and most parents just get burnt out.
What will make another blog entry one day is that there is nothing in the above which is specific to either kids or amusement parks. You can facilitate that joy, that interest, that reading and bonding with adults too. It's not just about caring about others, it's about seeking solidarity with them. There is, most certainly, a difference.
-Ed
As an aside, Linda and I were up until about 3am talking about this very topic last night. I came in, laid in bed, and went into how hard it is to construct this series of thoughts in the abbreviated form of a blog entry. I doubt I have done an adequate job. But, upon my first retelling of this "insight", her response was...
"Well, duh."
Which is just as well, because, most probably, she is the one who taught it to me.
-Ed
I started thinking to myself yesterday... why was the day so successful? We had very few temper tantrums. We didn't go nuts on games or in shops. We hit almost every ride. We stayed fed and hydrated. Everyone had fun and got to do everything they wanted. We had no arguments. No side-bars. The longest we stopped was to eat lunch or dinner. It was a perfect day.
In short, I was trying to figure out how on earth that happened! Why? Because I over-analyze. It's what I do.
Clearly, it is pretty easy to show kids a good time at an amusement park. But it isn't the amusement park that provides the fun. Trust me. We saw several miserable families that day at King's Dominion. Walking into an amusement park is no guarantee of a fun day. Amusement parks provide a distraction from the daily "grind" which allows people to stop being the obstacles to their own enjoyment. You don't need Kings Dominion to get out of your own way, and if you are too stubborn, King's Dominion ain't gonna help ya. I grew up with some stubborn people, trust me on this one.
Too many times we rely on context to dictate how we feel about something. When you spend the money to go to a place, any place, that advertises family fun, you are paying for someone to construct, for you, a context. Specifically a context in which you feel allowed (if not obligated) to re-align yourself to be considerate for your kids, your spouse, your family, your friends.
But make no mistake, it is that re-alignment that makes things fun. Not the park itself. And anything that inspires you to re-align yourself will give you those joys. And if you are one of those selfish people who just refuses to re-align yourself, you'll be wandering around wondering what you are missing.
That's what this weekend taught me. That's why I want to blog about it. It wasn't just a fun weekend. There was an experience behind the experience...
We were immersed in physical activity... blinking lights, lots of sounds, gravity-assisted machinery, food, games, sun, water... it's all good. But, beyond that there is a whole different emotional plane of existence: kids trying to spend more time with their parents; learning surprises can be good things; struggling with being too cool for activities they still really want to do; conquering fears of the dark, of gravity, of water slides.
Looking at things in that slightly different light, the otherwise completely random behavior of many kids suddenly made quite a bit of sense (including the kids we were with). Once I stopped trying to read the map and started trying to read the kids then plotting a course throughout the day to make sure we all had fun became easy.
Let me give an example with a dad and his daughter that I saw when we were first in the park. Some little girl was tugging on her dad's shorts to show him some cartoon character painted on the ground. The dad was trying to get her to look at the scooby-doo-character taking pictures with people. The "tug-of-war" that ensued had nothing to do with either scooby-doo or floor paintings. The adult couldn't comprehend how a character painted on the asphalt was as interesting as a real-life scooby-doo. The daughter just wanted her dad to pay attention to her and share her little moment of wonder. After about 20 seconds of being on a different "wavelength"... Bam! Crying daughter. Confused father.
There were hundreds of examples that day. Whenever I decided to take a look around you were hit over the head with just how ignored some of these kids were during "their day" at the amusement parks. It kind of makes you wonder how many times that exact same pattern plays out through everyday life.
Parents often say that kids grow up when you aren't looking. I'm not a parent, and I'm sure that is true. But I think it is true because truly, truly looking takes alot of effort and creativity and most parents just get burnt out.
What will make another blog entry one day is that there is nothing in the above which is specific to either kids or amusement parks. You can facilitate that joy, that interest, that reading and bonding with adults too. It's not just about caring about others, it's about seeking solidarity with them. There is, most certainly, a difference.
-Ed
As an aside, Linda and I were up until about 3am talking about this very topic last night. I came in, laid in bed, and went into how hard it is to construct this series of thoughts in the abbreviated form of a blog entry. I doubt I have done an adequate job. But, upon my first retelling of this "insight", her response was...
"Well, duh."
Which is just as well, because, most probably, she is the one who taught it to me.
-Ed
posted by Ed at 12:39 PM
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