Revenge of the Sith

I have faithfully recovered my street geek credentials. How do you get geek street credit? You gotta kill something, man. And kill I did. I killed hours of my evening last night watching Revenge of the Sith. In case you were living under a rock for the past year, this is the last part of the post-trilogy prequel...

First off: without question, Revenge of the Sith was the *best* of the three latest star wars movies, by far. And I liked the movie alot. All in all, good job, Georgie.

Read on without fear, there are no spoilers in this blog entry, and there are two reasons for this:

1) You already know EVERYTHING that is going to happen.
2) See number 1.

George Lucas had to figure out how to make this movie interesting. How does he do this? He has tried something that no other director in the history of directing has ever done before. He has broken new ground. He has added new incantations to modern day movie magic.

What has he done? How has he found a way to add brilliance to a script whose every plot twist was locked in stone and vastly publicized 20 years ago?

He employed a dead turnip to write a few 20-second love scenes throughout the movie.



Since the incesption of the moving picture, fruits and vegetables have been relegated to simple "comic relief" and "atmosphere" shots. Rarely, if ever, do these unpaid actors get the chance to actually participate in the creative process.

Kudos to Mr. Lucas for creating an "in" for the world's most literary vegetable: the turnip. It is nice to know that Star Wars - Episode III is not just pushing the boundaries in digital presentation.

Now, you might ask, how do I know that a turnip wrote the love scenes? And, especially, how do I know it was a dead turnip? The proof, as they say, is in the pudding.


What follows are some lines from the movie
(not verbatim, but close enough)
They are not spoilers.
They have not been taken out of context,
as they never had a context


Pouty Anakin: You are beautiful.
Padme: I am beautiful because I love you.
Pouty Anakin: You are beautiful because I love you.
Padme: angry and shocked Has love made you blind?!
Pouty Anaking: Huh?

See? Dead turnip. Also, only a dead turnip would have Padme name her husband/lover after Little Orphan Annie.





If I were little, and an orphan, and my girl kept calling me "Annie", I would probably run as fast as I could to the dark side, too.

So, the love scenes could have been light-sabered out of the flick with no negative impact whatsoever. Let me tell you, I am far from the "pimply teenage boy" who scoffs at love scenes because he has never had anything in his life which allows him to relate to them. I've had good love scenes in my life and bad love scenes in my life, and none of them even come close to approaching what this dead turnip called a love scene.

Aside from that, the movie is action packed, pretty entertaining, and you know the director's cut will be much longer and even cooler.

I'd give the movie a B+. Only the shadow of the 4th and 5th movie in the series keep it from being a solid A-.

But as people in the industry know, George Lucas is a master at making sure sequels are always better than the original. His secret? Shoot the sequels first...

-Ed